The Noble Nobel

Now occasionally I am driven from my self –imposed torpor, if not stupor, by a particularly absurd bit o’ real news ---- and compelled to comment. My genes have been verified to belong to the line of Aaron, brother of Moses, but no one, as yet, has accounted for the Satirical gene that dwells within. Maybe there’s even a little bit of Satyr gene in us all, who can really say? But alas, I digress-- already.

What prompted this latest bit of exuberant giddiness on my part were news reports that Yes-sir Ara-fart’s, I mean Yasser Arafat’s former palatial home in Gaza City had been looted by touchy feely Hamas terrorists. Oh sorry, think I was supposed to insert the word --- insurgents— or ---- gunmen –or---- militants – there. No wonder I’m frowned upon by mainstream media mediocrity. At any rate, – “they stole almost everything in the house including Arafat’s Nobel Peace Prize medal”. Truly, life imitates art.

“They stole documents and files, gifts he had received from world leaders and even his military outfits”. Alright !!!– terrorist sleaze coming to an EBAY near you !!!

The originator of the Nobel Prize, Alfred Nobel, invented dynamite – and Arafat perfected it to blow up crowds of pesky Jews stiff-necked-ly insisting on staying alive. No one much noticed till other folks got hurt in collateral damage and their planes started getting hijacked. Then the sanctions began – ending with being showered with foreign aid , which he promptly pocketed, and the aforementioned peace prize, involving 2 other geniuses, perennial peanut brain, and to America’s ever-lasting shame, ex President Jimmy Carter, and perennial dupe and corrupt sucker Shimon Peres, who, wonder of wonders, is now presently the President of that one tenth of one percent (.1 %) sliver of land in the Middle East they stubbornly have insisted on calling Israel for the last 3,500 years or so. Oh well, no good deed goes unpunished, and no perpetrator of really evil deeds gets really punished, as the world-weary cynic observes.

They also stole the personal belongings of Arafat’s widow, Suha, and daughter, Zawa, no doubt conceived while Yasser was thinking of children he had so unceremoniously defiled, according to numerous Intel sources. And indubitably, clothes pilfering is a real problem – on the Gaza Strip cross-dressing youths are hunted down and tortured to death , after being the object of desire of numerous other youths that haven’t quite gotten their portion of 72 virgins or attentions by dewey eyed young boys in Paradise, as they are promised in some of the Sura. This is quite a culture, lemme tell ya. Unfortunately I’m not making all this stuff up – I lived in that part of the world for more years than I care to remember.

“Most of the looters were just ordinary citizens ---- they stole almost everything, including furniture, tiles, water pipes, closets and beds.” Ya know I was once tempted to abscond with some of Slick Willie’s belongings in Little Rock – but the indelible stains made me distinctly uneasy, if not a little queasy.

And shockingly “ according to Fatah spokesmen, the raid on Arafat’s house , which has been empty since 2001 , occurred despite promises from Syria-based Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal to prevent such an attack. Can you imagine ???? Arab leaders not living up to their sworn agreements ??? Why it’s almost enough for me to burn my Dennis Kucinich/Ralph Nader for President bumper sticker ! Almost.

“The Palestinian people will never forgive the Hamas gangs for looting the home of the Palestinian people’s great leader, Yasser Arafat” said Ramallah- based Fatah spokesman Ahmed Abdel Rahman --- “ this crime will remain a stain of disgrace on the forehead of Hamas and its despicable gangs”. Hey, blow up pizza joints and ice cream parlors, the more baby carriages the merrier – COOL ---- but steal The Father of Modern Day Terrorism’s personally engraved drinking goblet – unheard of – not to mention unforgivable!!!

Even Mohammad Dahlan ‘s home was looted ! “ The Popular Resistance Committee announced that its men stormed Dahlan’s house and confiscated a suitcase full of gold , forged US and Pakistani passports and an ID card belonging to Nissim Toledano, an Israel Border Police officer from Lod who was kidnapped and murdered by Hamas in December 2002." Right around the time they blew up an American convoy in Gaza out to distribute humanitarian aid. Which begs the question : how does one distribute humanitarian aid to animals. Mo is a personable and most excellent arch-terrorist if ever there was one, and one with exquisite table manners and a kiss for the ladies’ swooning hands no less ----- and one so foolishly propped up by a pressured and deluded Israel and a naļve America.

Intisar al –Wazir , wife of assassinated terror chieftain Abu Jihad whined --- “ We don’t feel secure any more “ --- we fear for our lives and property “. Oh the horror!!! Life’s a bitch when the deeds of you or your heroes’ come back to bite one’s ululating self on the nether regions of the buttocks eh?

“ In Gaza City , the Palestinians stormed security installations and stole everything including windows , doors and food” Reminds me of that old classic movie , Zorba The Greek -- where the townspeople of the small village are hovering like vultures , waiting for the bereft old lady to pass so they can pillage everything of any earthly value whatsoever. Only, as I once panic- stricken-ly thought, as I jumped from a perfectly good airplane at about 23,000 feet – this aint’ the goddamn movies !

Hey I’m done here for the day – my work is complete, and my inbox of death threats incomplete. Oh well, win a few, lose a few – and keep your powder dry.

And may the sobs of a thousand crocodile tears wash away the multitude of your sins, and may the desert rains of a thousand flash flood wadis, wash away your camel’s fleas.